Fantasy football is starting to feel like the Hunger Games to me. I tinker with my teams til the last minute and then I whisper to myself, “May the odds be ever in your favor” as I crack a beer and hope for the fucking best.
Every week I make these picks and every week I root against the guys I picked as Chodes and for the guys I picked as GOATs. Obviously, I am doing this in hope that people will see how brilliant I am and that I actually know what the fuck I am talking about. Well for the second time this season both Amari Cooper and Austin Hooper made me look like jackasses! Deshaun Watson made me look even worse and in hindsight I think I just picked him as a Chode out of spite for him not getting the ball to Hopkins (who I have in 2 of my leagues). No more picking out of emotion, straight fucking facts only!
Kyler Murray-Kyler is very quietly putting together quite an impressive rookie season. He sits at 11th in the league in passing yards, all though his YPA leave something to be desired. Through 5 games he has 6 total TDs and 4 TOs which really is not too bad when you consider the criticism of him coming out of college. The kicker here is he plays the Atlanta Falcons this week. The Falcons defense is fucking pathetic and they are giving up the 2nd most points to QBs this year with Miami being the only team worse. Confidently plug Kyler into any and all lineups this week!
Case Keenum-Your first thought is probably that I am some kind of fucking idiot, but in reality you could definitely do worse than Keenum this week. They are playing the Dolphins and Keenum really is not as bad as people are making him out to be. Terry McLaurin will be back this week so he will have his favorite weapon and I expect him to be in the QB8-12 range this week. Fire him the fuck up!
Kenyan Drake-For the first time the Dolphins should be playing in a game that they are not playing from behind in. The Redskins fucking blow and they are allowing over 140 RYPG and 22 fantasy PPG to opposing RBs. Drake is getting the lion’s share of snaps and touches ahead of Ballage and I expect a heavy dosage of him this week.
Kerryon Johnson-Kerryon seems to be getting better and better every week. Take out the Eagles game (they are one of the best against RBs) and Kerryon’s total yards have gone up every week. In the game against KC he carried the ball 26 fucking times for 125! There is no real threat to his usage and the Packers give up 140 RYPG and 25 PPG to RBs. Everyone should be starting this man!
DJ Moore-This man leads the Panther WRs in targets, catches, yards and catch rate and people all over the place are shitting on him! He has only one real bad game this year and he faces a TB defense this weekend who is last in the league allowing over 320 passing yards per game. Kyle Allen will find him early and fucking often so don’t be stupid. Just start DJ!
Josh Gordon-Gordon has been a little disappointing this season but I feel a breakout game coming tonight (no Dorsett is fueling this fire)! I am firing him up in 2 of my leagues and you should all do the fucking same! The Giants give up the 2nd most fantasy PPG to WRs and if you remember, Mike Evans (similar type of WR) fucking destroyed the Giants defense. If the Giants put Jenkins on him GAME FUCKING OVER!
Greg Olsen-Only the Bengals could not find a way to dominate the Cardinals using their TE, and that is why their fucking winless! Arizona is giving up 17 PPG to opposing TEs and Olsen needs to be fired up in all formats!
Jared Cook-He has had 6 targets in each of his last 2 games and 7 receptions on those targets! Teddy seems to like looking Cook’s way and I expect a big breakout game for him this week. The WRs may not be there on the outside and Jared will find some space over the middle and up the seams.
Philadelphia Eagles-Philly is the best team in the league against the run, and the Vikings are 5th in the league in rushing attempts so far this year. That means Captain Kirk is going to have to try to win the game for the Vikings and that is going to be bad news. Yes the Eagles are fucking awful against the pass, but Cousins kind of blows too.
Aaron Rodgers-For starters, it looks like the Packers have finally discovered what Aaron Jones is actually capable of. The Lions have only given up 4 passing TDs through 4 games and that includes games against Wentz, Rivers, and Mahomes who all combined for only 2. The Lions defense is legit and I am not saying Rodgers is going to have a terrible game, but he will most likely stay under his projected 19 points.
Kirk Cousins-Yes I know Philly’s pass defense seems awful, but the Vikings are built to run the ball, not pass the ball. Cousins will be forced to make throws he normally doesn’t have to make and he will make some mistakes. He will probably throw a pick or two which is enough for me to not touch him this week.
Dalvin Cook-The Eagles are allowing 63 rush yards per game and that does not bode well for Cook or the Vikings. The only hesitation I have in putting Cook here is his ability to break one off, but the Eagles are not susceptible to the big run play like that. You have to start him, but beware that he will most likely finish well under his 17-18 point projection.
Leonard Fournette-Fournette is a guy who can rush for 225 yards in a game or a guy who can rush for 66 yards in a game with his longest run being 69 yards. He has been very inconsistent throughout his whole career and I see a pattern of that this year too. NO is allowing 108 YPG on the ground but they have limited Zeke, Gurley, and Carson all to less than 4 YPC and no RB has had over 40 yards receiving against them. Fournette is about to fuck his owners again this week. Don’t ever stay too high on this fuckin bum because he will always let you down!
Chris Godwin-The Panthers have been exceptionally good against WRs this year. They are surrendering less than 200 YPG through the air and they have already seen the Bucs. Godwin went fucking berserk in that first match-up but I expect him to get plenty more attention this time around. He has been so good this year, but he is due for a let-down game at some point.
Robert Woods-The only receiver worth a shit for the Rams this week is Kupp. SF’s defense has been fucking awesome and the Rams have not been themselves so far this year on offense. At this point, I wouldn’t trust him or Cooks at all moving forward. They are both fuckin chodes and Kupp is dominating the target share with Everett digging into targets for them as well.
Mark Andrews-As shitty as the Bengals have been, they are giving up less than 6 PPG to opposing TEs. That probably has a lot to do with the fact that they are almost the worst against every other position but who gives a shit. All I know is Andrews is going to have a low volume game because there are better options for the Ravens to move the ball.
Los Angeles Rams-It’s almost like the whole team forgot how to play defense the last couple of weeks. The 49ers are going to run the shit out of the ball just like they have been and they should find their fair share of success. Running the ball the way the 9ers want to limits TOs and keeps the defense on the field for a long time. They may not give up a shit load of points, but I don’t like their chances of forcing any TOs.