Grossman’s Gambling Guide Recap-Big Ben is a Big Dumb Bitch & Will “Big Nutz” Lutz For the Win

As expected there were plenty of “What the fuck?!” Week 1 NFL games. From the Titans whooping the Browns to the Steelers embarrassing themselves, we had some doozies over the last 2 days. I continue to lead you guys in the right direction as an OK college football Saturday led to a real good NFL Sunday/Monday!

Week 1 ATS: 2-1

Week 1 O/U: 1-0

LA Rams @ Carolina Panthers (Pick: Rams -2)

This one was a back and forth game pretty much all thanks to Christian McCaffrey. The Rams at time looked like they were going to run away with it, and the Panthers responded almost every time with CMC. He put the Panthers on his fucking back and finished with 209 total yards and 2 TDs to almost steal the game from the Rams. The Rams though got stops when they needed to and they had a big day from Malcolm Brown who scored 2 TDs to lead the Rams to a 3 point victory! Thank fucking god!

Pittsburgh Steelers @ NE Patriots (Pick: Steelers +6)

What a goddamn embarrassment this was. Pittsburgh looked like they couldn’t beat Clemson on Sunday. The Pats came out and Brady did whatever he wanted to do all night long. The Pats really couldn’t find a running game either with Michel totaling 14 yards on 15 carries. If you hold the opponent RB to 14 fucking yards on 15 carries, you probably think you’re going to win that game in a blowout. Well that did not fucking happen here. Brady went nuts for 340 and 3 TDs and the Steelers could not do shit on offense all night and got completely humiliated and emasculated in every single way. Be fucking better Ben you big dumb bitch!

Houston Texans @ NO Saints (Pick: Texans +7)

What a fucking game this turned out to be. Both offenses looked kind of flat in the first quarter but they came out firing after that. Poor Deshaun Watson though. He was getting fucking drilled left and right because his OL completely blows! Deandre Hopkins did not look his best, but he still dominated. Plus he got a nice suplex in there on Marcus Williams. Even after scoring with 30 seconds left to take a 1 point lead, the Texans could not hold on. Brees made the Houston defense his bitch and Will “Big Nutz” Lutz knocked in a 58 yard game winner to close the door. After watching last night though, both of these teams should make the playoffs this year. Either way, in week 1 Houston got an easy cover for me and almost got the win outright.

Indianapolis Colts @ LA Chargers (Pick: Over 45)

This one looked like the easiest win of the day until both teams stopped scoring halfway through the third fucking quarter. At the 7:40 mark in the 3rd the score was 24-16, which is 40 for all you mathematicians out there. All I need at that point is one more touchdown! Easy right? WRONG! Neither fucking team scored for another 23 minutes of gametime! It took a ridiculous TY Hilton catch and run to get to the over with 38 seconds left in the game! My butthole was puckered up for a quarter and a half and TY really loosened it up for me. Vinatieri missing FGs left and fucking right almost gave me a heart attack! HEY ADAM, IT’S TIME TO HANG ‘EM THE FUCK UP PAL! Whatever. Thank you TY for saving me today!

THANK YOU T.Y.!

See you again Friday for CFB Week 3!

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